How to Get Over Yourself, Strip Away That Ego, and Become a Better Team Member

As a full-stack developer, I‘ve worked on many high-performing teams to ship quality software. And in my experience, the single biggest factor in a team‘s success is not the technical chops of the individual engineers, but how well they collaborate. Time and again, I‘ve seen projects slip off the rails when egos clash and developers put their own interests ahead of the greater good. Conversely, I‘ve been part of teams that accomplished incredible feats because every member was devoted to making each other better.

The truth is, unleashed egos are kryptonite for effective software development. When developers are more concerned with being right, getting their way, or proving their talent than they are with the team‘s objectives, it leads to all sorts of dysfunction. Code reviews turn into personal battles. Architectural decisions get mired in endless debate. Retros become venting sessions rather than opportunities to improve. The focus shifts from delivering value to users to delivering glory to oneself.

Unchecked egos also tend to create knowledge silos, as developers hoard information to make themselves indispensable. They lead to excessive pivots and thrash, as headstrong team members pull the project in conflicting directions. And they discourage the kind of continuous learning and growth that‘s essential for long-term success.

In fact, a study by Boehm and Turner found that "egocentric behavior" was one of the top sources of software project failure. Another analysis by Graziotin et al. revealed a significant negative correlation between developer ego and software quality. The more arrogant and self-centered the team members, the buggier the codebase.

So if you want to be a world-class developer—not just in your individual capabilities but in your ability to elevate a team—you need to learn to put your ego aside. Here are some of the most impactful ways I‘ve seen devs do this in practice.

Check your ego at the door

One simple but powerful tactic is to consciously disarm your ego before engaging with your team. Take a moment to intentionally direct your mind away from your own wants and towards the group‘s needs.

Some developers I know like to do this quite literally, making a gesture of "checking their ego" as they walk into the office or start a video call. Others use mantras like "it‘s not about me" or "team first" to center themselves. Find a ritual that works to get you into a collaborative headspace.

This isn‘t always easy, especially in moments when you feel strongly about an issue. But remember that your real value comes not from prevailing in every argument but in helping the team arrive at the best overall solution. Practice the art of "strong opinions, weakly held." Stand up for what you believe, but not to the death. Be open to having your mind changed by compelling evidence.

Embrace feedback with curiosity

Excessive ego makes us resistant to criticism, as we fear anything that might puncture our self-image. But in doing so, we cut ourselves off from one of the most valuable tools for growth—the insights of our peers.

The best developers I know don‘t just accept feedback; they proactively seek it out. They see code reviews not as a gauntlet to run through but as a way to tap the collective wisdom of the team. They frame disagreements as opportunities to learn rather than attacks to be defended against. They thank their reviewers for taking the time to help them improve.

This requires cultivating what Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck calls a "growth mindset"—a belief that your abilities can always be expanded through effort and help from others. With a growth mindset, you don‘t tie your self-worth to your current skill level. You‘re not afraid to acknowledge your weaknesses because you know that‘s the first step to turning them into strengths.

One developer I worked with would even keep a "bug trophy case"—a collection of the most embarrassing errors he‘d had caught in code reviews. Whenever he was feeling down about a mistake, he‘d look back through the case to see how far he‘d come and remind himself that every slip-up was a chance to grow.

Normalizing this kind of egoless failure helps create the psychological safety teams need to take risks and push boundaries. Studies like Google‘s Project Aristotle have shown that a team‘s willingness to openly discuss mistakes is one of the strongest predictors of its success.

Communicate like a scientist

Another area where unchecked ego tends to run amok is in technical communication. When we‘re overly attached to our own opinions, we‘re more likely to fall into unproductive patterns like:

• Speaking in absolutes and hyperbole
• Maligning others‘ ideas to make our own seem better
• Using sarcasm and snark to score points
• Arguing for argument‘s sake (or to "win")
• Stonewalling, withdrawing, or passive-aggressiveness

These behaviors can turn even the most routine conversations into ego battlefields. They lead to hurt feelings, damaged relationships, and decisions based more on persuasion skills than technical merit.

The antidote is to communicate more like a scientist—with precision, objectivity, and an emphasis on evidence over opinion. Make liberal use of qualifiers like "I think," "it seems," and "the data suggests." Avoid emotionally charged language in favor of neutral observations. And when you disagree with someone, focus on the substance of their argument rather than attacking their character or motives.

This kind of communication doesn‘t always come naturally to developers, who tend to have strong views and a low tolerance for ambiguity. But it‘s a skill worth cultivating, as it leads to much more productive technical discussions. It allows the team to evaluate ideas based on their merits rather than on who proposed them.

Give credit generously

Few things stroke the ego quite like getting praise for a job well done. So it‘s understandable to want to hold onto that glory when you achieve something great. But in my experience, the most respected and appreciated developers are quick to deflect credit onto others.

They‘re often the first to call out their teammates‘ contributions in stand-ups or retros. They make a point of publicizing their peers‘ work to the rest of the org. And they generally operate under the assumption that success is a team sport, not an individual competition.

This doesn‘t mean you have to be falsely modest or downplay your own accomplishments. There‘s nothing wrong with being proud of what you‘ve achieved. But sharing credit signals that you‘re more interested in team outcomes than personal status. It shows you‘re willing to put collective success ahead of your own vanity.

Some research even suggests that giving away credit may actually increase your own standing. A series of studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who behaved selflessly were often perceived as more competent and influential than those who took credit for themselves. When you make others look good, they‘re more inclined to see you as a leader.

Focus on mastering the craft

Perhaps the ultimate antidote to a raging ego is to focus on the work itself. Not on the politics of who gets to call the shots or the glory of being seen as the rockstar. But on constantly improving your craft and doing whatever it takes to ship the best possible software.

This is the essence of what‘s often called a "craftsman mindset" (though I prefer the gender-neutral "crafts-person"). It‘s an intrinsic motivation to excel for the sake of the work—not for the external validation it might bring.

The beauty of this mindset is that it naturally suppresses the ego and keeps you focused on what matters. When you‘re immersed in your craft, petty squabbles and status games fade into the background. You‘re more interested in mastering your tools and techniques than in proving your worth.

Many of history‘s most brilliant developers have epitomized this spirit of craftsmanship over showmanship. Take Donald Knuth, the legendary computer scientist who invented fundamental concepts like LR parsing and attribute grammars. Knuth is notorious for his obsessive attention to detail and his willingness to delay publishing his work until he‘s absolutely satisfied with its quality. His seminal book series The Art of Computer Programming was supposed to be complete in seven volumes by 1973; he‘s still working on volume four in 2023.

That might seem like an extreme example, but it illustrates the kind of dedication and humility great developers bring to their work. They‘re not in it for the accolades; they‘re in it to build something remarkable. And that often requires subsuming the ego in service of the craft.

So whenever you feel your ego starting to flare up, take a moment to refocus on the job at hand. Immerse yourself in the intricacies of the problem you‘re trying to solve. Get lost in flow and let the work speak for itself. Chances are, when you emerge from the other side, you‘ll have something worth being proud of—and a team eager to celebrate it with you.

See the bigger picture

Finally, one of the most powerful ways to keep the ego in check is to frequently remind yourself why you‘re doing this work in the first place. Odds are, it‘s not just to fuel your own individual ambition. It‘s to build something meaningful with a group of people you respect. It‘s to have an impact on real users and make their lives a little bit better. It‘s to push the boundaries of what‘s possible in your field.

Remembering the bigger picture helps put the day-to-day ups and downs of development into perspective. It makes it easier to weather the inevitable conflicts and road-blocks, knowing that the end goal is worth it. And it shifts your focus from personal success to collective impact.

Many of the most high-functioning dev teams I‘ve seen find ways to regularly reconnect with this sense of shared purpose. They showcase user testimonials and celebrate customer wins. They take time to acknowledge how each person‘s work ladders up to the broader mission. And they make space for the team to bond on a human level, not just a technical one.

The more you can see your work as part of something greater than yourself, the more naturally your ego will fall away. You‘ll be able to take genuine joy in your teammates‘ successes, knowing that a win for one is a win for all. You‘ll be more open to learning from their knowledge and experience, knowing that it only makes the team stronger. And you‘ll be willing to put your individual preferences aside when needed to keep the collective moving forward.

That‘s the real secret of becoming an indispensable developer. It‘s not about having the most impressive resume or the most dominant personality. It‘s about being a team player in the truest sense—someone who‘s always striving to bring out the best in others. Someone who cares more about the quality of the product than the glory of shipping it.

So if you want to reach your full potential as an engineer, start by checking your ego at the door. Embrace feedback with grace and curiosity. Communicate with precision and generosity. And always keep your eye on the bigger picture. Do that, and there‘s no limit to what you can achieve—not just as an individual, but as part of an unstoppable team.