The Blessing of Rejection (or Growing Past the "No")

I‘ll never forget the first time I faced a major rejection as a developer. Early in my coding journey, I poured my heart into a web app project, excitedly submitted it to a prestigious competition… and didn‘t even make it past the first round. I was crushed. If my code wasn‘t good enough to win, was I even cut out for this field?

Spoiler alert: that stinging rejection was not the end of my story. In hindsight, it redirected me to better projects and catalyzed tremendous growth in my skills. And that‘s the secret I wish I could go back and tell my crestfallen past self staring at that dreaded rejection email:

While rejection stings in the moment, it can lead to growth and open new doors if we approach it with the right mindset – especially in the world of coding.

The Pain of Rejection

Before we dive into spinning rejection into a positive, let‘s acknowledge that it feels downright lousy in the moment. Studies show that the brain processes social rejection similarly to physical pain. When we face rejection, it can fire up the same neural pathways as a broken bone or cut.

This primal wiring made sense for our hunter-gatherer ancestors. Rejection from the tribe could mean losing access to shared resources, protection, and mating prospects – literally life-or-death threats. Though thankfully a rejected pull request won‘t leave us physically vulnerable today, our brains still process it as a threat to our well-being.

Rejection, whether in our coding careers or personal lives, can trigger a cascade of painful emotions like shame, anxiety, and anger. It‘s a blow to the ego and can make us feel like we‘re not good enough.

For developers, a rejected job application or criticism of our code can be especially painful because so much of our work feels tied to our intelligence and worth. When our work is rejected, it can feel like we as a person are being rejected.

But here‘s the key: experiencing rejection as a developer is normal and even inevitable on the path to success. A 2019 Jobvite survey found that the average job seeker will submit 27 applications before landing an interview, and 91% of job seekers find the process frustrating. Another study found it takes the average developer 5 months and 357 applications to land a job.

So if you face repeated rejection in your job search or coding journey, know that you are in good company. Rejection is simply part of the process, not a permanent reflection on your abilities.

Reframing Rejection

Once we‘ve acknowledged the emotional pain of rejection, we can start to reframe it. First and foremost, one instance (or even many instances) of rejection do not determine your inherent worth as a person or your potential as a developer.

Some of the most brilliant minds in tech faced rejection on their path to world-changing innovations:

• Steve Jobs was fired from his own company, Apple, before later returning as CEO and launching iconic products like the iPhone and iPad.

• Before creating Twitter, co-founder Jack Dorsey was rejected from a job at a shoe store because he didn‘t have enough experience.

• Brian Acton, the founder of WhatsApp, was rejected for a job at Facebook in 2009. Five years later, Facebook acquired WhatsApp for $19 billion.

These stories illustrate that rejection often isn‘t even about you. It‘s one opinion from one limited vantage point at one moment in time. A hiring manager may pass on your application because they‘re having a bad day or you remind them of their annoying cousin. An investor may dismiss your app idea because it‘s too similar to a failed startup they funded in the past. Rejection frequently says more about the rejector than the rejectee.

Moreover, sometimes a "no" is actually a blessing in disguise steering you away from a poor fit. I have friends who were devastated after dream job rejections, only to later realize the company culture was toxic or the role would have dead-ended their career growth. The sting of rejection fades, but the consequences of a bad professional fit can linger for years.

Reframing rejection requires recognizing there are factors outside your control and believing that sometimes a "no" is simply a "not yet" or "not this, something better." When you have an unshakeable sense of your own self-worth, you can more easily navigate the inevitable ups and downs of putting yourself out there.

Rejection as a Catalyst for Growth

What if we could take the reframing a step further and actually harness rejection as a catalyst for our growth?

Every "no" is an opportunity to gather data, strengthen our skills, and stretch beyond our comfort zone. When I was rejected from that coding competition years ago, sure, it hurt like hell in the moment. But when I took a step back to examine why my project didn‘t make the cut, I realized there were several areas I could improve: my code was clunky and inefficient in places, my user interface wasn‘t as intuitive as it could be, and I hadn‘t properly tested edge cases.

That one rejection propelled me into a season of intense learning and growth. I devoured books and online resources about clean code, UX design principles, and testing methodologies. I committed to putting my work out there for feedback instead of coding in a vacuum. And you know what? The next project I submitted to the competition placed in the top 10.

Rejection hands us an invitation to level up. It shines a light on our blind spots and shows us where we have room to grow. In the words of billionaire entrepreneur Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx:

"I didn‘t have the most experience in the industry or the most money, but I cared the most."

When we care deeply about our craft, we‘re fueled to keep developing our skills, no matter how often we may stumble or hear "no" along the way.

This process of learning and iterating is baked into the world of software development. Think about it: when you‘re coding an app, you don‘t expect it to run perfectly on the first try, right? You expect to encounter bugs and errors. You expect to have to troubleshoot and refactor. With each failed attempt, you gain new insights that inch you closer to a functional finished product.

We can apply this same mindset to the "bugs" and "errors" of our careers. Embracing a growth mindset means viewing challenges and rejections as opportunities to expand our abilities rather than pronouncements of our inadequacy. It‘s focusing on the process of continuous improvement instead of fixating on achieving a specific outcome.

Research by psychologist Carol Dweck has shown that individuals with a growth mindset reach higher levels of achievement and experience lower levels of stress and depression. When we view skills as buildable versus inborn, we‘re more resilient in the face of setbacks.

Imagine if developers gave up on a project the moment they encountered a tricky bug or the first time a user reported a problem. Think of all the amazing apps, websites, and technological innovations we‘d be missing out on in the world!

The same holds true for our coding careers. If we throw in the towel the first time our code is criticized or a job application is denied, we prematurely stunt our potential. Pushhhhh through the discomfort of rejection, and on the other side you‘ll find growth and opportunity. Rejection doesn‘t define your limitations; your reaction to rejection does.

Practical Ways to Handle Rejection

So how can you implement this mindset shift around rejection in your day-to-day life as a developer? Here are some practical strategies:

1. Recognize rejection as part of the process. Instead of viewing a "no" as an anomaly, expect to encounter rejection regularly if you‘re stretching outside your comfort zone. Remember, if you‘re not being rejected, you‘re probably not aiming high enough.

2. Choose curiosity over self-criticism. When you face rejection, resist the urge to make it mean something negative about your code, your skills, or your character. Instead, get curious about what you can learn. What specific feedback can you gather? How can you use this experience to sharpen your abilities? Treat it like a debugging process.

3. Find a community for support and accountability. Navigating the ups and downs of a coding career is easier with supportive allies in your corner. Surround yourself with fellow developers who can empathize with the struggles, offer constructive feedback, and remind you of your strengths. This could be through meetups, online forums, mentorship, or simply grabbing coffee with a trusted colleague.

4. Take action to close the gap. Once you‘ve identified areas for growth, put a plan in place to fill those skill or knowledge gaps. This could mean taking an online course, contributing to an open source project, or seeking out stretch assignments at work. Convert the pain of rejection into the fuel for mastery.

5. Persist and trust the process. Don‘t let a "no" stop you from continuing to put yourself out there. Keep applying, keep refining your projects, keep submitting your code for feedback. The more at-bats you take, the greater your odds of a hit. Bestselling author Stephen King reportedly received dozens of rejections for his first novel, Carrie, before it was finally accepted by a publisher. If he had called it quits after the 10th or 20th "no," we‘d be missing out on a literary icon.

Conclusion

Rejection is an inevitable part of striving for any worthwhile goal, and your coding career is no exception. Whether it‘s having your pull request denied, your application passed over for an interview, or your project idea shot down, hearing "no" is part of the process of growing as a developer.

But here‘s the good news: rejection doesn‘t have to derail your progress or self-worth. In fact, it can actually accelerate your growth if you approach it with curiosity and a willingness to learn. Some of the most successful developers – and people in general – only achieved their breakthroughs by persisting through repeated rejections.

At the end of the day, your talents and potential cannot be constrained by someone else‘s opinion. You get to choose what to make a "no" mean.

Will you treat it as a stop sign or a speed bump?

Will you internalize it as a fatal flaw or allow it to light a fire under you?

Will you fixate on the sting of the "no" or get excited about the growth it could catalyze?

The next time you face rejection as a developer, I hope you choose to view it as an opportunity in disguise. With the right perspective and consistent action, a "no" can be the springboard that launches you to a more rewarding yes.